Girl Meets True Self
by cappuchoni
Summary: [Girl Meets... series Part 1] Its been a month after Girl Meets Ski Lodge and Riley is getting ready for her first date with Lucas now that they are officially a couple. Maya starts to feel jealous, but after talking it out discovers it may not be what she initially thought.
1. Chapter 1

It had been over a month since the class trip to the ski lodge and tonight Riley was going on her first date with Lucas since becoming a couple.

"I don't know what to wear," Riley called from the closet.

"I doubt Ranger Rick will care what you pick, Riles. You've been going through your clothes for over an hour."

"You back to that name now?"

"You wanted Maya back. Maya calls Huckleberry Ranger Rick. It just must be done."

"Ok I'm coming out." Riley emerged from the closet wearing a knee length tangerine dress.

Maya caught her breath, "Wow. Lucas will love it."

"You really mean it?"

"Riles, you look beautiful."

Riley beamed at her. "Ok he should be here any minute. I'm going to go downstairs and wait. I'm sure my dad wants to have some sort of chat before I go anyways knowing him."

"How the War of Australia mirrors the drama of teen dating," Maya said in her best Cory impression.

Riley raised an eyebrow, "The War of Australia?"

"I don't know. You know I never listed to your dad. Now go on downstairs. Your date will be here soon."

As Maya watched Riley leave the room she felt an invisible weight fall on to her chest. She did her best to ignore the feeling but despite her efforts it wasn't going away.

* * *

An hour later Maya made her way downstairs to find Cory and Topanga laying together on the couch watching a movie. She sat down in the chair nearest Cory and brought her knees to her chest.

Topanga nudged Cory to pause the tv and turned to her, "Maya, is everything ok?"

"Ya. Thanks again for letting me stay here while my Mom and Shawn are on their honeymoon."

"You're welcome here anytime, you know that," she replied. "It looks like somethings bothering you."

"I don't know what's wrong," she admitted. "Since Riley left I've felt..." she paused.

"You felt how?"

"Jealous," she finally said out loud. "But I thought I didn't like Lucas like that. I realized I didn't want to be with him, but now that they are together I feel like this. I don't understand it."

Cory gave her a heartfelt smile, "Maya, do you think there's a chance this isn't about Lucas?"

"What do you mean, Mr. Matthews?"

"I mean is there a chance he's not the reason you're feeling jealous?"

Maya searched her mind for understanding of what she was being asked. When she finally reached the conclusion realization flashed across her face. "It's her," she whispered, staring at her knees. Suddenly everything made sense to her. Liking Lucas because he was just like Riley, turning herself into Riley as a way to cope with her feelings, even liking Boing to get closer to her family. "No. But I... I can't feel _**that**_." She looked back up to Cory and Topanga, "Am I gay?"

Topanga stood up from where she was sitting and walked over to Maya to hug her. "You know there isn't just straight and gay right? And titles aren't important."

"Make it go away," tears fell down her cheeks.

"It doesn't work that way," Topanga said while gently stroking Maya's hair away from her face.

"I can't have feelings for my best friend. I'm supposed to like boys!"

"Maya, we have no control over who we fall for," added Cory from his seat on the couch. "Sometimes you fall for the weird girl in class who makes lipstick art on her face, sometimes you fall for your best friend."

"How long have you known?"

"We've suspected for a while. I think I had an idea since you started dressing and acting like Riley. I knew for sure that night the police officer brought you home. This one is a little dense and didn't figure it out until I spelled it out for him."

"You wound me, Topanga."

"What do I do, Mrs. Matthews? I don't want things to change between us. I don't want to lose her."

"If I know my daughter nothing you do or say will cause you to lose her. If you haven't noticed your friendship means the world to her. And maybe thing will change, for the better."

"If things do change you need to come and tell me and Topanga straight away so we can reevaluate the sleeping arrangements."

Maya's eyes widen, horrified.

"Cory!" Snapped Topanga.

"What? I was kidding. Although it may have to happen eventually, I'm not naive."

"Maya, don't listen to him. Take this one step at a time."

"I'm scared."

"Come here," Topanga took Maya back into her arms and embraced her as tears began to flow from Maya's eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

Weeks went by and Maya had not gotten up the courage to say anything about her feelings. Every time Riley talked to her about Lucas she felt a dagger to the heart. She decided she needed to talk to someone about this, and not Riley's parents this time.

She pulled her phone out of her pocket to text Farkle.

 _Maya: Can you meet me after school? I need to talk to you._

 _Farkle: Sure. What's up?_

 _Maya: I need to say this in person._

 _Farkle: Coffee shop after last period?_

 _Maya: See you then._

Immediately after her last class Maya headed to Topanga's and sat at their usual couch. Farkle arrived a few minutes after her and took the seat besides her.

"So what did you need to talk about?"

She took a deep breath and turned to him. "I'm sorry, I just need to talk to someone."

"You can tell me anything, Maya," he smiled. "But why don't you go to Riley?"

"I can't talk to her about _this_. First I need your word you won't repeat this to anyone or out me like you did to Riley last New Years."

"Ok, first off that was a dick move on my part and I've already apologized to Riley about that. Second I think I know what you want to tell me."

"You do? How do you know?"

"I'm Farkle. I'm a genius."

"Did everyone figure this out before I did?"

"She still hasn't."

"Farkle, what should I do?"

"Tell her, Maya."

"I can't. She's so happy right now. This would only mess that up."

"Did you ever think that maybe she'd be happier with you?"

Tears began to form in Maya eyes and, despite her best efforts, fall down her cheeks. "I can't think that way. I can't get my hopes up. Things don't work out for me, Farkle. I'm so lucky to have her as my best friend. I can't risk that."

"Shawn becoming your dad worked out for you."

"That was a fluke. I'm still waiting for the universe to realize it messed up."

"Maya..."

"I can't tell her this. At least not now."

"What if you tell her once things end with Lucas? That way you don't have to worry about messing anything up for her?"

"You mean _if_ things end?"

"I don't think it's going to last. He's her first crush, plus you said so yourself they are more like brother and sister."

"Maybe." She sat quiet for a moment. "Ok, _if_ things end for Riley and Lucas I'll come clean to her."

"Good," he gave her a sincere smile. "Can I get you a coffee?"

"No, I think it's best if I just go home now. Thanks for the talk." She stood to leave, but Farkle grabbed her wrist.

"You don't need to run off you know."

She nodded and sat back down. Tears pooled in her eyes.

"Maya, are you crying?"

"I just don't know what to do Farkle. You tell me I should tell her. Mr. And Mrs. Matthews told me I should tell her. It would be easier if I could just make these feelings go away."

"It doesn't work that way."

"Well it should! There's something wrong with me, Farkle! I should like boys. Not my best friend who is so not a boy. There's not one boyish thing about her. She's perfect and I'm a mess."

"This isn't just a crush, is it? You're in love aren't you?"

"I don't know. I don't understand these feelings. I've never felt this way about anyone before."

"You know I've always love both you and Riley." Maya nodded. "But I was never in love with either of you. When Isadora and I are together its Boylalaloo," he says with a flourish of his arms. Maya laughs at him. "Its different. This is like seeing the world in color for the first time."

"She makes the world seem worth it?"

"Something like that. Every day I wake up with a smile because I know I'll get to see her."

Maya looked down at her lap, "Is that was love feels like?"

"I think its different for every person, but ya it feels something like that."

"I'm in love with her, Farkle," Maya cried. "She's my whole world. How can I risk that?"

"Isn't it a bigger risk to not tell her?"

"Maybe," she looked at him hopelessly. "I'm so lost right now. She's the only one who makes me feel grounded. I need to talk to her about these feelings but she's the one person I can't tell!"

"You _can_ talk to her about this."

"Someday. Maybe. When Lucas isn't in the picture."

"It'll happen for you, Maya. I have to believe that."

She gave him a weak smile, "Can you believe it enough for both of us?"

"I'll do my best."


	3. Chapter 3

Two years later Riley and Lucas were still going strong, and every minute of it was killing Maya.

"Can you believe it, Peaches? Junior Prom!"

"I know. Wasn't it last week that we were getting ready for our first middle school dance?"

"I can't wait. Lucas says he has a special night planned." She twirled around in her prom dress, giggling.

Maya knew what Lucas's _surprise_ for the night was. A hotel room, roses, and candlelight. He had asked her advice on the perfect romantic evening for Riley. She felt her heart instantly shatter when he had come to her, but she put her own feelings aside for what would make Riley happy.

Riley turned to Maya hopefully, "Are you sure I can't convince you to come?"

"I'm sure. You have a good time. I heard Farkle's dad rented a limo for you all. That should be fun." She gave Riley the best impression of a sincere smile she could muster. There was no way she could be there tonight knowing what was going to happen. Helping her get ready for it was torture enough.

"It would be more fun if my best friend was coming with us!"

"I don't have a date or a dress. Plus I've already made a commitment to my sketchbook tonight."

"Ok," she pouted. "But it won't be the same without you."

"Riley, Lucas is here," Mrs. Matthews called from downstairs.

"Go, have fun," Maya insisted. "I'll be here when you get back."

Once Riley was out of site making her way downstairs Maya finally allowed herself to feel the pain she had been suppressing all day. She brought her knees up to her chest and cried in ernest.


	4. Chapter 4

"Let's go upstairs."

"Upstairs? Why? Everyone is down here in the ballroom," Riley looked at Lucas confused.

"I told you I had a surprise planned for you. You coming?" he said with a sincere smile.

"Oh, ya lets go."

He led her to the elevators and hit the button for the 12th floor.

"We aren't going to the lobby?"

"No, I have a room for us."

Riley began to realize what the special night Lucas had planned really meant. Before she could say anything the elevator stopped at their floor and he grabbed hold of her hand and led her down the hall.

"Room 1249. This is us."

"Lucas..."

He inserted the keycard and opened the door to reveal a room lit by candle light. Fake rose peddles created a path from the door to the bedroom.

"I wanted it to be special for you. I love you, Riley."

"I don't know what to say," and that was true. She was at a loss for words.

"You don't need to say anything," he said as he leaned in to claim her mouth.

She backed away and placed a hand on his chest to stop him, "Lucas, no."

His face changed from one of joy to heartache. "What's wrong? I did everything how you imagined it didn't I? I wanted to to be perfect for you."

"How I imagined it? We've never even discussed this."

"I asked Maya what I should do."

Riley looked horrified, "You told her we were going to sleep together tonight?" her voice grew louder with each word.

"Its not like it was a surprise! We've been together for over two years, Riley!"

"I'm not ready for this."

"Oh," She could tell he was hurt despite how he tried to keep his composure. "Are you not ready to be with me? Or are you just wishing it was someone else?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I'm not stupid Riley. I see the way you stare longingly. I guess I thought tonight would prove you really did pick me."

"Pick you? I've never stared at another guy!"

"Not a guy, and don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. Stop lying to me. I'm not an idiot! I've seen the way you look at her."

Riley looked as if she was just slapped in the face. "What?"

"Maya, Riley!"

"I don't understand what you're saying."

"Who would you rather be with tonight? Me or her?"

Riley just stared at him, mouth agape.

"I'm tired of being your consultation prize, Riley. I'm done." He pushed passed her towards the door.

"Lucas, wait!"

"Why?" He turned around to face her. "What am I waiting for? I've been waiting! I've pushed aside these feelings and I can't do it anymore. Either you're with me completely or not at all. I'm not settling for just part of you anymore."

"Please stop," she cried.

"She's the one you want. Maybe we've both been pretending. I just can't anymore, Riley."

And then he was gone.


	5. Chapter 5

"Maya?"

Maya woke up to see Riley standing over her, tear stained mascara running down her face.

"Riles? What happened?"

"He... Lucas. He tried to... He thought..."

Maya shot up in the bed, "He tried to what?"

Riley threw herself into Maya's arms weeping, "He thought we were going to have sex tonight. He had a hotel room and everything. That was his big surprise. He got so mad when I said I wasn't ready. There was a big fight."

"Oh Riley," Maya pulled Riley down onto the bed to hold her, "I'll kill him."

"No, don't. Just hold me, please?"

"I'll kill him tomorrow then."

"It's over Maya. I thought we were going to be together forever like my parents, but it's over."

"He never deserved you, Honey."

"Maya, I thought he loved me!"

"Please can I go kill him?"

"Stop it," she wiped tears away from her face.

"Ok, then can I have your dad go kill him? You know he'd be willing."

"No one is killing anyone."

"Riley, why don't you go take a shower and clean yourself up? I'll run out and get some comfort food. We can Bay Window it up while we stuff our faces with cookie dough ice cream?"

"Ya, thanks. That sounds nice right now."

"Anything you need, Riles."

"I don't know what I'd do without you."


	6. Chapter 6

"Mayaaaaaaa," Riley sang as she saw Maya claimed through the Bay Window.

"Riley? Are you ok?" And then Maya noticed the bottle of vodka sitting on the floor next to her. "Honey, what did you do?"

"Shh, it's my parents. I stole it," Riley said in a childlike voice.

"I figured as you aren't old enough to buy that yourself."

"Why am I not good enough?"

"What? You're the best person I know!"

"I'm not good enough to keep someone without sex! I thought I was enough. Fuck men." She reached for the bottle, but Maya was quicker.

"I think you've had enough of that."

"But I still hurt. I need the pain to go away, Peaches. Make the pain go away!"

"Come here," and she held Riley close as she cried.

"I'm never going to find someone who really loves me."

"You already have," Maya whispered too softly for Riley to hear.


	7. Chapter 7

"Maya, it's been a month since they broke up. You should tell her."

"Farkle, if you out me I swear to God I'll end you."

"I'll never live that down will I?"

"Nope." Maya looked across the room to where Riley was talking to her Mrs. Mathews behind the counter. "Plus, she's still healing. I didn't wait this long to tell her just to become some rebound thing."

"You can't keep coming up with excuses."

"Watch me. I have about twenty more in wait."

"Maya!"

"Farkle!" She mimicked him.

"You deserve to be happy too you know?"

"So I've been told. I may deserve to be happy, but I know I don't deserve her. She's so beautiful and pure. And look at me, I'm the mess I've always been."

"You need to stop that."

"Stop what?"

"Being so hard on yourself! For one second try to see yourself how she sees you, maybe then you won't be so scared to tell her the truth."


	8. Chapter 8

"I'm going to tell her tonight," Maya said.

"About time."

"We start our senior year tomorrow. If all goes well then we can spend our last year of high school together."

Farkle placed his hand on her shoulder, "You've waited almost three years to say something to her. I hope it all goes well. I'll be rooting for you."

She smiled at him, "Thanks."

* * *

Maya paused on the fire escape before going into Riley's room. She began to second guess her choice to tell her everything. Being miserable not know was better than being rejected.

As she sat waiting she began to hear Riley's muffled cries coming from within the room.

"Riley?"

"Maya..." she smiled at her through her tears.

"What happened?"

"Lucas, he just texted me." Riley handed her the phone.

 _Lucas: I'm sorry Riley. I shouldn't have acted like that. I hope you can give me another chance. I should have believed you when you said you just weren't ready. These last months without you have been torture. Please call me._

"Should I call him?"

"What? No!" Maya was outraged. "He doesn't deserve a second chance from you, Riley!"

"But he's sorry, and he misses me. We always thought he was the good guy, maybe it was just a bad night. I need to talk to him."

"No! Don't do this!" Maya jerked her hand away as Riley tried to take her phone back.

"Maya. Give me back my phone."

"No," she continued to maneuver the phone out of Riley's reach.

"Maya don't you want me to be happy? Give me the stupid phone! I want to call him!"

"Why can't you see it? Why can't you see there's someone who would never hurt you like him?" Tears poured from Maya's eyes. "Why can't you see I love you more than he ever could?"

"You...what?"

Maya's eyes flew wide, she dropped the phone, and ran towards the open window.

"Maya, wait!" Riley grabbed ahold of her wrist and forced her to stay put. "What did that mean, Maya?"

"I didn't want to tell you like this."

"Tell me what?"

Maya stood silent. She clamped her eyes shut and fought back the tears that desperately tried to leak out from beneath her eyelids.

Riley led her over to the Bay Window seat and they both sat down.

"Maya, please."

Still nothing.

"Peaches, talk to me."

She opened her eyes and looked up into Riley's eyes, "I love you."

"I love you too, Maya. You know that."

"No, Riles. I'm _in_ love with you. I have been for a long time. Longer than I even realized it."

"Oh." Riley was stunned.

"I'm sorry. I tried to make it go away, I really did."

"Shh, don't be say that. There's nothing to be sorry for." Riley took her hand in hers. "Is that why you never had a boyfriend?"

She nodded, tears falling down her face.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"By the time I realized what I was feeling you were already with Lucas. I figured it out the night of your first date after you got back together on the nature trip Freshman year."

"Peaches..."

"Please don't pity me, Riles. Just don't go back to him. He hurt you. I wanted to destroy him for how he hurt you. You deserve more than that. If it's not with me then fine, but don't go back to someone who could make you feel like that. Please."

"I wish I had known."

"I was waiting until you weren't together. I didn't want to mess things up. You were so happy."

"You deserve to be happy too, Maya."

"Farkle said the same thing."

"You talked to Farkle about this?"

She nodded, "and your parents."

"My parents?"

"Ya. I still remember your dad joking about needing to reevaluate the sleeping arrangement here if you felt the same way."

Riley turned crimson. "What if I do?"

"What if you do what?"

"What if I feel the same way?"

Maya looked at her hopefully, "Do you?"

Riley took a deep breath, "I don't know. For the longest time I thought what I was feeling was normal to feel for your best friend."

"And now?"

"And now I think what I feel is different. Its more than just a best friend. I used to think we were like sisters because of how much you meant to me, but as I grew up and discovered the world I realized that wasn't right either. It wasn't until a couple of months ago that this thought even entered my mind. It was actually something Lucas said to me that made me start to think about it, about what we have between us."

Maya was hanging on every word that Riley spoke. She wasn't one for hope, but at this moment she couldn't stop herself from hoping Riley would return her feelings, "What do you feel is between us, Riles?"

"Remember what I told you after the nature trip? We were sitting right here."

"We've had a lot of conversations right here."

Riley smiled, "I said that if we are lucky in life we get one extraordinary relationship. My parents found each other when they were young and stayed together for the rest of their lives, and I was lucky enough to find you. You are my extraordinary relationship."

"I remember," she smiled.

"What I'm trying to say, Peaches, is that its you. It's always been you. I didn't understand it before, but its always been right here. You've always had my heart."

"Riley?"

"Yes?"

"Would it be ok if I kissed you?"

Riley smiled wide, "Yes."

Maya placed her hand on Riley's cheek and leaned in close. The second their lips met everything seemed right with the world.

Riley released Maya's other hand to bring both her hands up to either side of Maya's face as she deepened the kiss.

When they finally broke apart Riley spoke first, "It's fitting isn't it?"

"Hm?" Maya was dazed with a goofy grin across her face.

"Our first kiss. Here. At the Bay Window. It's the place we became best friends, and the place we became more than that."

"We're more than that now?"

"I'd like to think you're my girlfriend now?" Riley asked.

"I'd like that too. Does that mean you're not calling him?"

"I'm going to text him to let him know he has no chance. I owe him that much."

"You don't owe him anything," Maya said adamantly.

"I do actually. I never told you the whole story."

"Tell me now."

Riley took a deep breath, "The fight we had that night, after I said I wasn't ready, it was about you."

"Me?"

"He accused me of not wanting to completely be with him because I was wishing I was with someone else. He said he had seen how I looked at you and was tired of pretending anymore. He was using that night as a way to prove to himself I really chose him."

"Oh."

"I just stared at him. I couldn't argue with what he said because some part of me knew it was true."

"Guess it's a good thing you didn't let me kill him then."

"Maybe we shouldn't rub this in his face though?"

"I don't want to hide this, Riley. I've been wanting to be with you for so long."

"No! That's not what I meant. I don't want to hide either. Maya Penelope Hart is my girlfriend. I want to shout that news from the roof tops."

Maya laughed, "Then what do you mean, Riles?"

"Just that I should talk to him tomorrow morning at school before we go public so he isn't caught off guard. And maybe we don't kiss in front of him? At least for a while."

"Can I kiss you as much as I want when he isn't around?"

"I don't see a problem with that," Riley giggled.

"I love you, Honey."

"I love you too, Peaches. Thunder." Riley lifted up her ring.

Maya lifted up her ring adorned hand and grasped Riley's, "Lightning."

Maya leaned in and kissed her again. She lost herself in the kiss, savoring the taste of Riley. Minutes passed without either of them coming up for air. They were so enthralled in each other neither heard the door creek open.

"That's it, no more sleepovers!"

The girls broke apart.

"Dad!" Riley screamed, throwing her hand to her mouth to wipe away the exchanged saliva.

"Hi, Mr. Matthews," Maya said blushing.

"I think it would be best if Maya used the front door from now on."

"Yes, Sir," Maya said looking anywhere in the room besides Cory.

"It took you two long enough."

"Dad..." Riley pleaded with him.

"I can be happy for you girls, can't I?" He smiled before adding, "This stays open," he said as he turned to leave but not before making a point to open the door all the way and sit a box in front of it to keep it from closing.

"Of course your dad would walk in and interrupt our moment."

"He wouldn't be my dad if he didn't."

"Well I'm horrified."

"I thought you said they knew already?"

"Well knowing is one thing and walking in on me kissing my girlfriend is another."

"Thats the first time you said it."

"What?"

"You called me your girlfriend."

Maya blushed and averted her eyes, "Ya and it felt perfect."

Riley placed her hand under Maya's chin as she had done so many times before and forced Maya to look at her, "It's you and me against the world, Peaches."

"Just as it's always been."

"And always will be," added Riley before closing the distance between them and placing another kiss on Maya's lips.


End file.
